There go my heroes

Unsung heroes is a term that gets bandied around a lot, so I want to use my platform to actually describe some of the people who've made this stressed author's days a bit less awful in recent times. In no particular order, they are:

- the till lady in Iceland MK who chatted with pleasantly me yesterday despite her till being right under an air conditioning vent which she said her bosses refused to turn off. I was only standing there a minute and I was freezing; she said it was like that for her whole shift. Anyone who is warm and comfortable right now, salute this lady for still being nice to people when I would have been a raging grump within five minutes.

- the roller derby skater who turned up to a mental health fundraiser on Sunday, skated her heart out, chatted with me about my book and then had to drive back down the motorway to the care home where she works in order to do 12 bed calls. Probably for an absolutely abysmal wage, if I know anything about how the care industry operates. Could you do that and still be nice to people? I'm not sure I could manage even half of what this woman achieved in one day. 

And yes, I've wiped bums, changed adult nappies and cleaned up faeces and urine for £7 an hour, but I'm now in a financial position where I haven't needed to do care work for several years. So I salute every underpaid, underappreciated, stressed out person working in the healthcare industry right now. The HCAS, support workers and cleaners who get no praise and usually get the blame. You. Are. Heroes.

- Maria from Nationwide in Bletchley, who last week saw that I was about to cry with the stress of not being able to get a bank statement from my own bank without them charging me and putting me further in overdraft, and sorting out the situation instantly. I still owe that lady a big cake, but I did tell her I loved her and told her supervisor to give her a raise.

- Jess from Changes Walnut Tree who cut my hair this morning, did exactly what I asked, didn't try to anything I hadn't requested with my insane curly mop, didn't patronise me about being 'lucky' to have curly hair and was lovely to talk to.

- My friend Denise, who has suffered multiple disabilities since she was in her teens (she is now mid-30s), lives in a teeny council bungalow where she is afraid to put the heating on and who had her care budget cut by another 2 hours last month, yet is never anything less than fearless and cheerful. She is unfailingly generous and even made me an early birthday card with a cat on that said BE YOUR OWN KIND OF AWESOME. For someone who suffers such chronic pain to do this with her own hands renders me speechless with gratitude and love.

There go my heroes. Watch them as they go. 

S*** People Say to People with Disabilities

These are all actual words said by actual people to either me or to people I know well. In brackets is the individual who uttered them. I think we can all learn a lot from this list.

"You don't seem like you have Borderline Personality Disorder; you're not manipulative." (Friend)

"You can't have an eating disorder, you're a normal weight." (Dietitian)

"How can you have X disability? You're black!" (Take your pick, h/t to J Applebee for that!)

"I don't do drama." (Usually massive apologists for awful people)

"You can't have BPD, you're not a twat. People with BPD act like twats." (Friend)

"We wouldn't be self-diagnosing there a bit, would we?" (Stranger)

"You don't need care hours for housework any more." (Local authority, MK)

"I don't think it's chemical. I think you just need to go for more CBT." (Social worker, Milton Keynes)

"You have to pay 20GBP more this month for care. No, we can't explain why." (MULTIPLE local authorities, UK)

"You make eye contact; you can't have Aspergers'." (Media, doctors, therapists, friends)

"You hug people; you can't be ASD." (See previous)

"You're not socially awkward enough to have ASD." (See previous)

"You claim you care about people with disabilities, yet you parked near a dropped kerb for 4 minutes. Yeah, we don't care that you paid for your ticket and weren't obstructing traffic." - (Local council that shall remain nameless for now)

"You're not like her. She's mental." (Cheating married man)

"You're just butthurt that X PREDATOR picked me!" (Defenders of cheating married people, throughout history)

"If I had an invisible disability, I'd never tell anyone I was ASD! You're lucky." (Stranger)

"You're too broken for me to help you." (Therapist)

"We can't bring your psychiatrist appointment forward any further. No, we know you just tried to kill yourself, but five days from now is the best we can do." (NHS)

"I think you're just very intelligent, I don't think you need a meds review or to see a psychiatrist." (Social worker, NHS)

"We gave you physio once and it didn't work, so I'm afraid you can't have it again." (NHS)

"Yes, we have to cut your care hours again. We either don't know or don't care that you're getting ill from living in a filthy house." (Local council)

"A new catheter fitting operation is going to be an 8 month wait. We're aware that you get so many UTIs that leaving the house is hard." (NHS)

"Boys don't get eating disorders." (Media, older generation, take your pick)

"Only intelligent people get eating disorders." (GP)

"Can't you just toughen up?" (Take your pick)

"You can't sexually assault a man." (Media, older generation, women, so-called friends....)

"Other people have it much worse, you know." (EVERYONE, EVER!!)