Feminism ruins everything

Feminism has been accused of a lot of ills. It's been said that feminism causes women to leave their husbands, take up witchcraft and become lesbians (seriously). Feminism has been accused of emasculating men and boys, demanding special treatment for women, wanting to institute a matriarchy and much, much more.

As a feminist, obviously I can see these accusations for what they are; the resentful cries of those who benefit from the status quo disliking the fact they might actually have to cede some spaces at the table of power. I recognise that feminism has only ever benefited my life, as well as that of the men and women around me. Do I have rights over my own body? For that, I need to thank a feminist. Do I have the freedom to have my own bank account, passport and own property? Yup - and for that, I need to thank a feminist. Is any job I wish to do open to me? Yup - thank a feminist. Am I educated? Thank a feminist. Am I free to choose a life without marriage or children should I wish? Thank a feminist. And so on.

However, one way in which I will concede that feminism seriously arses up one's life is when it comes to dealing with popular culture. Once you start becoming aware of the myriad ways in which pop culture perpetuates sexism, it becomes very difficult to enjoy any of it any more. I love music videos, but I've given up flicking through the music channels because I'm tired of the fact that female artists don't seem to be permitted to wear more than a few handkerchief's worth of fabric in them any more, while male artists are of course, always fully clothed. I love films, but I can't watch any of them any more without considering if they pass the Bechdel Test (and pitifully few still do); I was also seriously depressed by the fact that the last two films I went to see at the cinema (The Big Short and Deadpool) both contained totally unnecessary scenes in strip clubs, yet again using the sexualised female form as window dressing to films whose storylines gained absolutely fuck-all from the inclusion of those scenes.

"In a certain light, feminism is just the long, slow realization that the stuff you love hates you." 
- Lindy West

Recently, I tried watching Blazing Saddles, the famous Mel Brooks cowboy film spoof from 1972 that everyone tells me is so hilarious. Given the era, I expected the humour to be somewhat retrograde, but in the end I lasted about 15 minutes after hearing racial slurs against black and Chinese people and homophobic slurs pepper the dialogue so casually that it turned my stomach. I gave up watching; I just couldn't find it funny. It was too vile. Seeing privileged white men leaving two black men up to their necks in quicksand didn't seem like a funny relic from another time - it seemed more like an eerie metaphor for what's still going on in many parts of the USA today.

Intersectional feminism has given me such exacting standards for pop culture that it's ultimately very hard for anything to measure up. I still haven't bothered watching Jessica Jones because 1) I'm tired of being told to be grateful any time a 'kick-ass' female protagonist features - after all, are men expected to cheer every time a man who's not a total twat features in a film or TV show? I think not - and 2) because I'm not sure what exactly is supposed to be so progressive about another young, long-haired white woman who's so slim she looks like she'd struggle to lift a spoon of cornflakes kicking the crap out of baddies. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was showing that nearly 20 years ago. Also, I was pretty dismayed, but not surprised, to read about fat-shaming in Jessica Jones. Seems you can be a heroine as long as you're not fat, or unfeminine, or not conventionally attractive. Woo fucking hoo for progress.

Whenever I watch a film, I'm not just looking out for whether it passes The Bechdel Test - even though it is seriously depressing how few films still contain two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man, I mean how fecking LOW is that setting the bar! - but I'm looking out for whether it portrays women as anything other than slim, young, white and femme.  I'm also asking myself questions like: does the female lead constantly have perfect hair and make-up even when she's just woken up, or is supposed to be trudging through a war zone? Points off (and yo! Jennifer Connolly in Blood Diamond). Are there any old, fat or butch women who are allowed to be full, richly drawn characters? Orange is the New Black has torn up the rule book on how TV shows can depict women, now it'd be nice if film-makers would catch on to the notion that there's a captive audience happy to see women portrayed just as they actually are and give us some female ensemble movies. It'd be even nicer if we reached a point where female ensemble movies were no longer considered worthy of comment. A male friend of mine watched the criminally underrated movie Set It Off the other day, and remarked how he didn't even really notice that the four leads were women.
Maybe that's because women are people, and when you write roles for them that treat them like this, rather than like some exotic, incomprehensible species, gender is irrelevant to whether they're good characters or not.

So yes, I blame feminism for making me aware of all this. I blame it for making me unable to watch the trailer for Eddie the Eagle without thinking "FFS, another underdog film about a man's story. Where's the fucking film about Flo-Jo, or the Williams sisters?", for making me head straight home after watching The Big Short and going online to find out that one of the major players who predicted the 2008 financial crisis was actually a woman; Meredith Whitney, who features precisely erm, nowhere amongst the main (all male) characters even though she was in the book that the film is based on (and also, CHRIST how badly did that film waste the fantastic Marisa Tomei?!). I blame it for making me not willing to give a pass to men who tell me they "just didn't notice" or "just didn't think it was that big a deal" when I mention the above to them, and invariably leave me having to bat away their bruised egos and butthurt demands that I don't lump them in with AllOtherMen when I suggest that perhaps not noticing and not thinking it's that big a deal are actually pretty typical reactions when you're not a member of the group being shat on.

But I thank feminism too, for giving me the confidence to not put up with any of that shit, to not give my attention and money to media that demonstrates little but contempt for my gender, to not tolerate in my life men who are immediately hostile to any mention of feminism while simultaneously demanding to be acknowledged as Nice Guys, to go out and buy books by women, about women, see movies directed by women, starring women, and not just twenty-something slim long-haired white women sporting perfect make-up, but women of color, fat women, butch women, punky women, gay women, trans women, completely average women, ugly women, old women, consume TV series that do more than just pass the Bechdel Test, support art made by women, and pretty much fight the stereotype of the passive moronic consumer who will just take what they're given and therefore justify executives saying "we have to keep making more of the same thing because that's what people WANT." I thank feminism to alerting me to the fact I have a choice in what media I consume, and a choice to make people aware of it (they too, of course, have the choice to reject this awareness and paint me as unreasonable and reactionary, but that itself is also a silver lining because it alerts me to the fact this is a person with whom I probably don't want to have much interaction). I thank feminism for showing me there are other options.

So yes, in one way feminism ruins everything. But it also forces you to wonder: was that "everything" really worth so much anyway? Was it really "everything?" Or was it just the sexist, racist, heteronormative, capitalism-loving slice of mainstream media you were taught to blindly accept?
Long may the ruination continue.

**CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON ONE OF ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK**

Recently, I was listening to an excellent panel discussion on Orange is The New Black. Like most people who have found themselves hopelessly addicted to the programme, binge-watching every episode in a matter of a days and then lying around bereft waiting for the new series to be released, I loved the series for its varied, realistic and very raw cast of characters, the fact it put women's stories centre stage, and of course the fact that as well as heart-wrenching it is also very, very funny.

And yet, unfortunately, it seems that one piece of pop culture that focuses on real women - old women, black women, Latina women, overweight women, butch women, trans women as well as white, young, slim, cisgender feminine women - is apparently still one piece too many for some. A male listener put his hand up during the Q & A section of the discussion and said that he thought the depiction of men in the show was “horrendous”, that the sex scenes in the show were “horrendous”, and that the fictional prison was “a matriarchy”. I could almost feel a collective sigh of “Oh, for fuck’s sake, can we not avoid someone whining ‘What about teh menz?’ for even one frickin’ hour?” go through the women seated in the room, and although the speakers gave dignified answers, none of them said what I’d really like to have heard them say in response to this man.

Firstly, I’d have said, let’s address your real issue. Do you really care that some men (and it is only some men, as there also sympathetic and ambiguous male characters in the show) are portrayed as power-abusing shits in OITNB, or can you just not stand the fact that all the male characters play second fiddle to the female ensemble? Because I’m guessing that’s your real problem. Not that Pornstache is a corrupt, sleazy, excuse for a human being who abuses drug-addicted prisoners for his own sexual gratification, gropes Piper, tries to blackmail Red and lets Trish die of an OD to cover his own back. Not that Healey is a homophobe who at first is apparently helping Piper but is so appalled at the prospect of her being a lesbian that he ends up trying to control and punish her. Or even that prison guard Luschek is a drunk racist with little concern for his charges. But that all these men are in the periphery of the storyline, not central to it. I’m betting that’s what gets your goat – that men don't get the spotlight in this series.

So I’d say to you, try to imagine a world where men are rarely, if ever centre stage. Where men are portrayed as, at best helpers and supporters to female characters whose lives are the truly important ones, and at worst, as visually pleasing window dressing to fill out the story, or simply absent. Where male audiences are expected to be grateful that in a cast of women, there might be one token male character. Where men are never portrayed in nuanced or complex ways, but instead are fitted into insultingly simple tropes of dutiful spouses, disposable sex objects, smart and ugly or attractive and dumb. Where the sexuality of men over 35 is rarely if ever acknowledged, and where lead roles for men over 35 are even rarer. Where same-sex relationships between men are considered mere tantalizing fodder for the opposite sex to masturbate over, rather than serious and loving connections.

It’s a pretty shitty world, isn’t it? Not one that you want to be in, really, is it? Well, that’s the media world women are expected to accept without complaint, and perhaps that’s your real fear about TV programmes which break the mould becoming popular. You’re afraid that the fire hydrant will become the dog, and that women will treat men with the same contempt that has been foisted upon us by decades of a medium that wants to reduce us to tiresome tropes. But I’d say, don’t assume women will descend to such a level; consider that women might like to level the playing field upward. Also, consider that depicting the men who do terrible things to women is not an attack on all men, nor on you as an individual, but rather something that is not done enough, or that is done in cringeworthy ways which manage to romanticize abuse, implicate the victim as complicit in her abuse, and excuse the perpetrator. Yes, it’s uncomfortable watching these things. Perhaps it makes you feel guilty for sharing your gender identity with these people. So I’d say to you, how do you think it feels seeing your gender constantly represented as inferior, mindless, disposable? Women have had to endure far more tarring with the broad strokes of the same brush than you ever will, so if I were you I’d be grateful that a couple of shitty prison guards is the worst depiction of manhood you’ve ever had to endure.

All that aside, the questioner's take on the programme, as one panellist pointed out, is also overly simplistic. It ignores that fact that the behaviour of the women in the show is also pretty ‘horrendous’. Every female character is flawed – how could they not be, they have all done enough to end up in prison, after all! – and some are so deluded, selfish or aggressive that most of their value to the show is as comedy fodder or serve as contrast to our OK-she’s-may-be-in-prison-and-she-messes-her-lovers-around-a-lot-but-she-never-did-anything-that-bad-so-we-still-like-her protagonist, Piper. There are also deeply sympathetic male characters, such as John, the young and naïve prison guard who falls in love with Daya. Although Healey’s relationship with Piper is troubled, there is a sense that he has genuine sympathy for her and wants to help her, even though he goes about this in a controlling and paternalistic manner. We see that his life outside of the prison is not without its frustrations, and we are privy to his troubled relationship with his mail-order wife. Like the women, the men in OITNB are not two-dimensional caricatures, but rather fleshed-out, convincing portraits of imperfect human beings. Even Pornstache is not devoid of empathic characteristics - his lousy attitude towards women seems to originate more from loneliness and frustration rather than misogyny, as demonstrated by his tenderness towards Daya when he believes that she reciprocates his feelings. The sex scenes between them may be uncomfortable for us as viewers, knowing as we do that Daya is faking feelings for Mendez in order to frame him, but they are not violent or degrading, as we might expect from his character, and the balance of power is ambiguous - it is as easy for us to laugh at Mendez's starry-eyed delusions that Daya loves him as it is to cringe for Daya's ordeal of having sex with a man she despises.

As for that old hooey about matriarchies? Please. As one panellist pointed out, the power of Figuroa, the female assistant to the warden is entirely derived from the unseen male figure she serves, and it can hardly be said that she acts as much of a friend to the prisoners, instead prioritising the prison's media image and financial outlook over any human considerations. Yes, amongst the prisoners some of the older women hold sway over the younger ones - Red alternates between playing mother and dictator to her favourite women - but these relationships are entirely a result of the artificial and limited circumstances within which they take place. Outside of the prison, it is doubtful that many of the women would forge links with each other due to their differing class and race positions, and it is also highly doubtful that they would be able exercise the kind of power that they can exercise over their follow prisoners, over anyone on the outside. If this is an environment where "women rule", then this says a great deal about just how restrictive circumstances have to be before women can wield any power. The power of the oppressed is simply not comparable to any kind of real power - yes, the women forge alliances, make deals, barter for goods, protect their allies and attack those who threaten them, but they do so out of necessity - because they're in fucking prison. To say that this reflects any kind of genuinely empowering structure of female relationships is frankly insulting, and no more true than suggesting that zoo animals (to which the women are compared in the programme's title music) have more power than their keepers.

Still love the show though. Roll on June!